Let’s talk about the weather…
The longer I’m here, the more cultural intricacies become illuminated. Azeri’s knew a few things about American Culture before I came, evidenced by their extended handshakes and deliberate distance when I meet new people (they are told “American’s like a lot of physical distance and as little bodily contact as possible”).
But other things have begun to occur as well, and it’s charming.
American’s love to talk about the weather. For some reason this is a topic of conversation we just can’t get enough of. Without realizing it, I brought this custom with me. Recently I mentioned it to my counterpart and she said that it surprised her at first and she thought I was joking when I would say something like, “it’s a nice day today, isn’t it?” She said Azeri’s only talk about the weather in a ironic, cynical way – kind of the way we use “So how about those Tigers?” in Michigan. It’s not something they actually plan to discuss.
Now that this has been revealed, my close friends will comment on the weather in my presence. It’s always a forced and a bit out of place, such as “it is raining now” instead of “it’s been really rainy lately, hasn’t it?” At first I thought to myself, “why are they saying this? Yes, obviously it is raining” but I then realized they were trying to relate to me on my terms. It was endearing.
The same thing is happening with hugs. Azeri’s (women) greet one another with kisses on the cheek. It is a custom I have enjoyed since I visited France and have sought to bring back to the U.S. (without success). When one of my friends saw me greet my American friends with a big hug, they were a bit curious. I explained that American’s, though they do appreciate space between strangers, enjoy embracing their friends. Now, whenever I see the 3 or 4 of my close Azeri friends, there is always a hesitant, kiss/hug combo that we cannot seem to get right and usually ends up with us bumping into one another’s shoulders unsure of what to do with our arms.
Also, wen one of my Azeri friends received a confused response from my American friend after trying to embrace her, I had to explain the subtleties of when it is okay to hug. But how do you explain when a friendship moves to the hugging stage? Depending on the length of time and the interaction (such as the intimacy between PCV’s), it could be done after only one meeting. It’s something you just KNOW. This is like them trying to explain to me when to kiss twice.
Azeri’s love to serve you food. If you didn’t tell them to stop, they would serve you everything on the table 3 times plus everything in the house. Over time I have explained to my close friends that American’s don’t like to be forced to do anything, preferring to decide everything themselves, including how much food to put on their plates.
This practice takes a lot of willpower on the part of Azeris, so I found a compromise. I explained that though it is not common for American’s to serve one another food (unless the recipient is a child), it is customary to refill one another’s drinks. Finally – something they could hold onto!
On a recent guesting excursion to my counterparts, dinner was served and her husband (no doubt she had said something like “don’t serve her food! American’s don’t like that!”) practiced the utmost restraint waiting for me to serve myself. However, he more than made up for it as he continued to refill my glass after every sip I took. It was hilarious and I couldn’t help but to smile.
So much gets lost in translation and cultural differences and even if you know what they are, they can be difficult to overcome. What I perceive as pushy, they perceive as hospitality and what I perceive as giving individual respect, they perceive as being offstandish. Only after smiles and explanations, which only happen with time, can there begin to be some kind of cultural understanding.
After 9 months of being at site my Azeri friends have begun to understand me and to respect some of my traditions in the same way that I have tried to respect theirs. I no longer have a problem drinking hot tea on hot days, having extra servings of plov and dolma(though I usually serve myself if I am with friends – which they find more amusing than rude) and I never forget to take off my shoes (which are habitually cleaned).
For those interested in learning about American culture, they enjoy the hugs, the talk of the weather, and the informal ways of dining more than I would have imagined.
But it is always give and take. I still insist that they eat and drink something when they come to my house (as to offer it as an option is perceived as you don’t really want them to eat or drink anything) and I still wear houseshoes in their homes and eat everything offered to me (which has become easier since they now know what I like).
It can be a tricky balance, as I recognize that I am the one visiting their country, not the other way around, and I don’t want to impose my habits on them. But it’s still a comfort, every now and then, to give and receive a hug while talking about the weather.