August 18-August 29
When I arrived in Azerbaijan I said everyone should do this. I would no longer make such claims. For instance, it is important for a PCV not to be too much of any one thing. If an individual is too much of any one thing they risk not being able to bend when necessary. In my opinion, PC is all about bending. It's not about life being "fair" to anyone in any place at any time in any sense of the word.

Training is quickly coming to an end and our swearing in as PCV’s looms ever nearer. We’ve had out site visits. We know what our communities look like, we know who we’ll work with, for the most part we know where we’ll live. We know the theories and we know the requirements.

More than ever we are beginning to understand what it means to make this commitment and though we could never know what our experience will be, the probabilities are finally beginning to come into focus.

Next week is our final language proficiency exam. The following week we will be given a total assessment of our commitment and must demonstrate our ability to reasonably take care of ourselves for the next two years. Do we know how to keep ourselves safe from medical and physical danger? Do we know whom to call? Do we know what we can and cannot do? When can we leave site? When can we go on vacation? When can we MOVE OUT?

At the beginning of September we will say goodbye to our host families, our houses and local friends and embark on a journey that will surely change us. Some of us will be alone, some will have PCV’s near by. Some will go north, others will go south. Our training wheels will come off and for the first time we’ll apply the concepts and language skills we’ve spent the last 2 ½ months cultivating.

Yaxşı Yol!

Here are some pictures from when we took a cultural excursion to an ancient lookout tower. It was the most difficult hike of my life (including the rocky mountains). Straight up.

Sorry those the picture posts are in no particular chronological order...but at least they're there!

August 5-August 17
Each week the magical doors of mystery open spilling their contents into my consciousness. Today I found out who my new site mate will be. I have to say I’m excited about the southern crowd. Also, I found out that my family has a “compound” which means that I may get my own separate dwelling when I move there. (Yay!) Next week I will travel to my permanent site, meet my new family and see where and with whom I will be working. Finally I will see for myself if this place is truly better or worse (aesthetically) than where I have spent the past two months. So far I’ve received mixed messages.

At the same time PST is coming to an end with only 4 weeks and 12 language classes left. Somehow I have recently found certain words rolling off my tongue easier. Words such as “I don’t want it”, “I like this”, “please”, “excuse me”, “I am going to…” and the like. At the same time I still feel painfully inept when the time comes to have an actual conversation with Azeri’s who don’t speak English.

However, last week I had a tutoring session with my LCF (Language and Cultural Facilitator) and we spoke (in Azeri) about the books we were reading. This was my first impromptu conversation in Azerbaijani, and I doubt it would have been possible had she not been able to fill in the gaps in English and to speak slowly, but it happened, and it gave me at least a hint of hope. This week I had my first conversation with my qardaşum (brother). Though it was very short and only consisted of me asking him if he liked sports and which his favorite sports were, for me it was a milestone. I don’t think I’ve completely expressed how adorable my qardaşum is, but believe me when I say that he is adorable.

My first splash into the cold water of language learning reality came when I met a local school director from my future town. He spoke no English and also spoke very softly and quickly. I felt completely inept and clumsy. Any of you who have had similar experiences may feel my pain. My only previous experience with this was in France, when I shared many a meal with French speakers. By the end of one month I could tell what the conversation was about, but I was far from being able to contribute.

The difference between that experience and this was that he was expecting me to be able to speak Azeri. Soon I will be working with him and other Azeris attempting to create programming and communicate questions which will make or break my success here. I don’t yet know if anyone at my site will speak English, so I must be prepared for many more such experiences.

Afterward I felt defeated and anxious in a way that I have never before experienced. At the same time we were in the middle of a heat wave (110-113 for a week) and my fan broke the night before. Needless to say, when my Mom and Adam called later the next evening I was a little….off. When I talked to my mom she said, “You know what it sounds like? It sounds like you’re in the Peace Corps.” Touché.

The good news is that since my fan broke it’s been uncommonly cool. Only about 80 or 90 and cooler at night. I sleep on the floor now, nearer the window where it’s not as hot. I also started putting my water bottles in the freezer despite the warnings that cold water will make you sick (as will fans). However, I’ve seen my Ana drink cold water so this habit is not so alien to my family.

You may be asking yourself, “why don’t you just buy a new fan?” And to this I would say, “it’s more complicated than you think”. They have fans at the local market, but aside from being expensive (though don’t worry, I could afford it) they are also big and I can’t just put the box (even if they came in a box) in the trunk of my car. Also, if I bought one I would also have to transport it to my permanent site, which would be a pain. And besides, Azeri’s don’t use fans. So I’m waiting until I get to my new site and I’m depending on the weather holding out (which is by no means a logical thing to do) and maybe I’ll break down, but for now I think I can deal with the heat. You may also ask yourself, “Why doesn’t she ask her Ana to buy a new one?” And to this I would answer, “again, it’s a very complicated and delicate issue, but the short of it is that they don’t have the money”.

On another note, 3 out of 5 people in my cluster have gotten full blown food poisoning thus far. This is very common. There are frequent power outages for hours and most families and stores don’t replace the meat or other perishable items. I am fortunate that my family does not eat a lot of meat and when the power is out for an extended time, I’ve seen them throw out food. For this I am very fortunate. At the same time, I know many people outside of my cluster who have fallen ill and I cannot imagine that sooner or later I will meet this same fate. Such is life in the Peace Corps.

Aside from that the food remains tasty. Lately watermelon, grapes and melon have been abundant while cherries, figs and apples have disappeared. Somehow there is a calming order to truly seasonal fruit. As I have mentioned before, my family has many fruit trees as well as a large vegetable garden. In addition the hundreds of planted flowers are beginning to bloom and yesterday my Ana cut some and put them in my room. Again, such is life in the Peace Corps.

Well, here it goes.

So much has happened since my last posting!

Here it goes:
- I placed "intermediate low" on my language exam, I must place "intermediate mid" in the next six weeks. So I'm close and that's good.
- My Mid-Assessement went well
- We got our permenent assignments!

We received our site announcements yesterday. In six weeks I will be travelling to south eastern AZ to spend the next 2 years of my life. Here is a brief synopsis:

Where I'll work:
- I'll be primarily working for a library (awesome) but also with a school and community center near by.
- I'll be working with youths (15-24) on computer/internet and job skills as well as resource building and conversation clubs.
- I will have regular access to the internet.


Where I'll live:
- another host family for the first six months at least (I'll visit them in three weeks)
- It will be hot, maybe as hot as here, maybe not, but it will be hot
- I've heard I have to draw my water from a well, but I'm not yet sure if this is true
- It's not a village, it's not a city
- There will be lots of fish (fish from the Caspian, ugh) and lots of watermelon and quince (I still don't know what a quince is)
- There are no PCV's there currently, but I may get a sitemate. I'll find out in two weeks
- I (we) will be 2 hours from other PCV sites
- Another PCV has been there and SHE was very successful
- SHE was also able to move out after six months
- There are a lot of "gender issues" there

So I've been busy and hot but I've gotten used to getting around and am now comfortable leaving and returning home on the "bus". I can even bargain at the bazaar (but how successfully, it's hard to tell). But there are some things that have been more difficult to get used to. Like....

- treatment of animals
- environmental stuff (all of it, the entire natural environment)
- slaughtered animal parts in the road admist puddles of blood (seriously)
- puddles of blood that linger days, and days, and days...
- flies, lots of flies

But other things are easier; the bathrooms, the food and the heat are all becoming familiar. Friendships and language skills are (slowly) building and somewhere in between I lay down and night and feel alright.